As long as we feel disconnected from our Source, we will feel isolated and alone in the universe. All apparent differences in the phenomenal world are finally resolved in the unified field of Being from which they arose in the first place. When we deeply intuit this ultimate oneness pervading all things, we lose our fear of differences. Fear is what blocks us from creating participation in our lives. We perceive the ‘other’ as a threat or competitor and seek to defend against, control or dominate him.
Life forces us into communities, but basically communities are war zones camoufl aged over with platitudes about caring, sharing and cooperation. If this were not so, there would not be such high rates of depression, burnout, substance abuse, divorce and suicide. There would not be so much costly litigation. The transformed leader who has attained a high degree of Self-awareness is able to see through the veil of separation and recognize his own self in the other. This is known as empathy, but there cannot be empathy where there is fear. So long as we perceive ourselves as isolated we will be dominated by fear and unable to experience true empathy for others. The deeper our sense of isolation, the more remote and inaccessible we become. When we are able to feel empathy, as distinct from attachment or sentimentality, others are attracted to us and this is the real basis for creating participation in our life and projects.
Creating participation is essentially a process of enrolling others into our projects, whether those projects are a business venture, an artistic endeavor, a community service program, or even a marriage. Enrollment should not be confused with ‘selling’ something to someone. Unfortunately, ‘sales’ has become a dirty word associated with manipulation, seduction, dishonesty and a host of other negatives. It doesn’t have to be this way. There are many successful sales people who bring complete integrity and a high level of empathy into their work. These people are actually masters of enrollment and they serve others through the sales process. Martin Luther King and Mahatma Gandhi are examples of leaders who were masters of enrollment without being involved with sales per se. Enrollment is distinct from sales, but those who commit themselves to a career in sales should master enrollment in order to realize their full potential in their chosen vocation.
Enrollment is first and foremost a way of being and only secondarily a technique. Technique is an important aspect of enrollment, as in, for example, addressing people’s fears about participating in a project or determining what they would seek to achieve through their participation. However, technique alone will not produce the intended result. The ‘space’ we create for people to participate with us is the true core of enrollment and we cannot accomplish this through manipulation. Who and how we are being is what either draws people to us or pushes them away. Those who use seduction or enticement to attract people are deluding themselves. Enticement will work only in the short term. People are perceptive, and it is merely a matter of time before they get a clear assessment of our character and motivations. We cannot develop long-term, committed partnerships through seduction. Seduction is
basically ‘hit and run’, and the problem with this approach is that it invariably comes back to haunt us. If we do enough of it, we will certainly destroy our credibility in our community, whatever and wherever that may be. On the other hand, if we are authentic with people, honest and committed to their welfare and happiness, then they will naturally want to participate with us. Both Gandhi and King exuded authenticity and commitment to the welfare and progress of others, which acted as a magnet drawing vast numbers of supporters to their respective causes. They were also masters of technique. They knew how to inspire people with a vision, address their fears, determine their wants and needs, strengthen their self-esteem, get them committed to the task at hand and support them in not quitting until the goal was won.
The art of enrollment is the art of allowing others to fully express themselves in our presence. This does not mean listening to an endless repetition of their complaints! It does mean, however, an active listening
which seeks to discover their deepest aspirations as well as their innermost fears, frustrations and griefs. It means focussing, not on their mental conditioning but on the deepest yearnings residing in their hearts. It means ‘recreating’ within our own experience what they most truly feel and want. It also means listening without seeking to give advice, consolation or either approval or disapproval. This is the real meaning of empathy. In this ‘space’ of the Self, people feel safe and profoundly understood; and it is under these conditions that people allow themselves to fully express who they are and what they seek. Concerns and doubts either shrink or evaporate once they are communicated to a receptive, non-judgmental listener. Such a listening allows the one who is being heard to move from confusion to clarity, from self-ignorance to self-knowledge, from bondage to freedom. People who can create this opportunity for others will never lack for participation in their projects.
Those who have mastered the art of listening will know what is appropriate to ask of the other. The art of enrollment is also the art of invitation. When we know what someone wants, cherishes or values, then we know what is appropriate to offer; and, generally, people will accept what is offered if it is something they do want, cherish or value. What stops a person from accepting something that is consistent with what he seeks, are invariably his fears and doubts. Those who have mastered enrollment understand this and know how to support that person in moving beyond fear and doubt. As long as we have minds, we will have fears. The technique for dealing with fear is neither to resist nor deny it, but rather to allow it to be there, acknowledge it, and move forward anyway. Since we have no guarantee of the outcome of any venture we embark upon, there is always a risk of failure, and it is this inevitable possibility of failure that produces fear. This is what stops people from daring to accomplish their dreams in life.
The master of enrollment, once he or she knows what the other truly wants, will support him in going ahead and taking the risk, since the alternative is to withdraw and hide in a shell. Withdrawal from life is neither a fulfilling nor a secure option. If we encourage people to back away from their dreams in the name of ‘prudence’, we are actually being disloyal to them. In truth, there is nothing prudent in avoiding risk, since such avoidance serves only to weaken us and diminish our self-esteem. When someone decides to embark upon a project, for instance, a marriage, they are inspired by a vision of possibilities. These possibilities reflect something they yearn for or seek to express. In the case of a marriage, it may be intimacy and romance, a family and a home. Marriage, however, is always a risk: the couple may find themselves incompatible, there may be financial hardships, one of the partners may become mentally or physically disabled, etc. This is why whenever someone is on the verge of making a commitment to marriage, fear and doubts in the form of ‘what if?’ invariably assail him. What if the relationship turns sour or one of the children is born with a deformity or there is not enough money to support a family? If the person considering marriage knows someone to whom he can freely communicate his fears, then he will be empowered in moving beyond doubt. If the one with whom he shares his doubts is able to listen without resisting, reacting, judging or falling into the trap of giving advice, then he or she will be providing a truly great service.
Knowing how to listen to another person’s fears and doubts is one of the key techniques required for mastery of enrollment. Most of us are uncomfortable with the other’s discomfort and immediately try to offer advice or consolation, to get them to ‘feel better’. Actually, it is our own discomfort we are trying to escape. In the case of the person considering marriage, he needs a listener who will fully receive what he has to communicate without adding his or her own personal issues into the mix. Such a listener is a ‘space’ into which the other can release the burden of his doubts. The person who is about to commit to marriage seeks someone who will ‘recreate’ (i.e., feel what he is feeling) his fears so that they will disappear. When we cast our doubts and fears into an empty space of pure listening, they evaporate like mists in the morning sun. The one communicating his fears already knows he wants to get married
and understands his potential life partner well enough to make a sound decision. He doesn’t need advice, he needs someone who will hear his fears so that he can let them go and move ahead with his project of marriage. The best listeners are those who have cleared enough of their own issues that they do not react to the fears and doubts of others. To be a ‘space’ for another means to be able to put aside our own conditioning, to be detached and sufficiently uncluttered so that we can be fully present
to what the other is communicating.
A master of enrollment understands the power of commitment. Until a conscious commitment is made, no project will move forward to completion. The mind is naturally afraid of making a commitment and
prefers to have a ‘back door’ through which to escape when things get uncomfortable. In the process of realizing any project, business, marriage or otherwise, there will be points of discomfort along the way. These difficulties may be triggered environmentally, such as when we are starting our business and a recession occurs, or it could be internal, as when an unconscious belief such as, ‘I do not deserve success’ gets reactivated.
In either case, if we have not committed ourselves to our objective, we will quit when the going gets tough. On the other hand, there is a great liberation that comes with making a genuine commitment. It puts the mind at rest and allows us to concentrate on the actual task of accomplishing the project, and it allows others to participate with us, since they sense our commitment and are secured by it. Equally vital, it puts the power of true intention behind all of our actions and words. The following quote summarizes the power of commitment:
Until one is committed, there is hesitancy,
The chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness.
Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation),
There is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which
Kills countless ideas and splendid plans:
That the moment one defi nitely commits oneself,
Then Providence moves too.
All sorts of things occur to help one
That would never otherwise have occurred.
A whole stream of events issues from the decision,
Raising in one’s favor all manner
Of unforeseen incidents and meetings
And material assistance, which no man
Could have dreamt would have come his way.
W.H. Murray (The Scottish Himalayan Expedition,
published by J.M. Dent & Sons, 1951)
Thus, a master of enrollment supports others in declaring a clear commitment to whatever project or objective they set out to accomplish. We can declare such a commitment to ourselves, but it is much more powerful to speak it to another, especially someone who will support us in honoring our declaration. As with a contract, the act of stating our intention or of putting our signature to an agreement in the presence of a witness brings a quality of fi nality to the decision: ‘I have now given my word and I will not go back on it.’
The many small commitments we make on any given day, such as an agreement to meet someone for dinner at a specific time, do not require the courage or resources needed to climb a Himalayan mountain, but they should be treated with an equal degree of respect and sobriety. An agreement is an agreement, and if we treat it as something optional that we will fulfill or not according to our passing mood or convenience, we will destroy our credibility with others, lose their participation and sabotage our projects. Honoring our word as something sacred is key to success in life. It is also a critical technique of enrollment, because by demonstrating to others that our word is good, even with regard to the smallest of details, we secure their partnership and collaboration.
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